Things my big sister taught me

She’s sometimes been evil to me. On rarer occasions, she’s sometimes been *nice*. She’s always been there though. So, here are the things I learnt from my big sister, whether I liked it or not.

  • It’s easier for bigger people to pin you down and ‘typewriter’ you to tears. Thankfully, they stop once you reach the same height. The lesson? Bigger people aren’t bigger forever. Be patient.
  • ‘Look, there’s a spider!’ can and will work as a distraction technique when you have a cunning plan to steal steak off your big sisters plate. Regardless of height difference.
  • Sometimes, there are people in your life who you will stick up for, and who will stick up for you. Regardless of the right or wrong of the situation.
  • How not to win an argument with Dad. (pro-tip – don’t argue. Just ask forgiveness later).
  • She’s allowed to pick on me. Anyone else who tries will face her wrath. Which is scary.
  • Size matters. The bigger speakers blasting out Take That will still beat smaller speakers blasting out Metallica. 😦
  • It is possible to dish out a kick up the arse sympathetically.
  • Setting someones hair on fire proves nothing. Not even when you start slapping their head to put the fire out. 😡
  • Even the strongest people need help, and that’s ok.
  • I was made in a factory in China.
  • Standing in a circle of My Little Ponies will protect me from the ghosts.
  • The sneakier one wins. Or at least wipes all the Micromachines 2 records. Same difference!

There you have it. My big sister has been a huge influence in my life. She was often mean. Sometimes nice. But she’s still my big sister, so I guess I’d better suck it up.

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