I just spent a long bank holiday weekend in Cornwall with the bloke and his daughters. This is the second time I have seen his children, and there was still an element of ‘what if this is when they decide they hate me?’ going through my mind. Before heading out, I looked at my failed attempt to grow coriander indoors, and began to wonder if I was going to accidentally kill the blokes children in much the same way.
I need not have worried so much. Not only are children in general fairly resilient, it turns out I double up quite well as a mobile climbing frame, story teller, bridge troll, pack mule, defender from dinosaurs, sand splat builder, mobile computer game source and general silliness provider. So, no watering required.
I’m too old to grow up.
In addition, I can highly reccommend having a 6 year old attached to your hip/back/shoulders for extended periods as very good exercise. I feel like I’ve done an all-over workout.
I knew that quitting real cigarettes would catch up to me. About a month a go, I converted over to e-cigarettes. I knew there would be a period of time when all the toxins from real tobacco would all start trying to escape, making me feel very rubbish.
For the last few days, I have ached all over, my nose is running, my throat is sore, and I am kept awake all night coughing.
It’s bad enough that it’s bloody tempting to go and buy a pack of real cigarettes and put off this hell for another few weeks. I won’t though. That would just be delaying the inevitable.
It’s not just the nicotine withdrawal that makes quitting hard – it’s the withdrawal from all the other crap in a cigarette that kicks your arse to.
Now, this is hardly my first quit attempt (if this can be called a quit attempt, since I am still getting nicotine). I must admit though, that the slow weaning off nicotine through buying lower strength liquid is working better for me (and cheaper!) than any number of tablets, gums or patches in the past has. Anyone attempting to quit should try converting to vaping for a bit if all else has failed. And be prepared to feel like crap after a few weeks of kicking the real ciggies.
Just some random musing, today. I was trawling Netflix, looking for some of my old favourite films – namely, Labyrinth, The Never Ending Story and the Dark Crystal. These films all have two things in common – mainly, that I love them, and all three gave me nightmares when I was little.
The main scary points, in order:
Never Ending Story – Artax sinking in the swamp of despair, while Atreyu cries.
Labyrinth – those pink things throwing their heads was disturbing.
Dark Crystal – Skeksis. Need I say more?
In spite of the nightmares they gave me, I could watch these films on repeat now. Especially Labyrinth. Which may or may not have something to do with *those* trousers. Strange how childhood perception can be flipped on its head later on.
We all reach milestones in life at some point. They’re generally scary places to be. People who know me may think that getting a new job would make the top spot for me this year, but today I think I just passed a way scarier one successfully.
I was introduced to my boyfriends children for the first time. On a full day out a farm theme day.
This is scary for various reasons.
If they hate me, that’s it for the relationship. My boyfriends children are the most important people in his life, and they have to come first.
I’ve opted not to have children, and odds are that I am terrible with them.
Meeting the kids is entering into a commitment. You don’t just enter a childs life and be ready to walk away easily.
It’s strange to think that the future of a relationship I am in is hinging on the opinion of a 6 year old and 9 year old girl.
I admit I was tempted to wuss out of the whole thing by simply not answering my phone this morning. But I knew it had to happen at some point. I think it went well. The first half hour was difficult, as they obviously didn’t know what to make of me. They don’t currently know that I am their Dads girlfriend. A bit of effort to talk to them, followed up by being the bearer of a water bottle in the corn maze seemed to ease the whole thing though, and soon I had small children talking a mile a minute to me about … well, everything.
My proudest moment for me though was not running screaming like a little girl when a wasp started dive bombing one of his daughters. I went in, lured the wasp away without showing fear, and returned an ice lolly wasp free. While a wasp isn’t so scary as entering a childs life, wasps are a big phobia of mine.
So, scariest thing today? Realising that I have just entered a commitment that I won’t walk away from easily, now that I know his children didn’t hate me on sight. Awesome thing is that I’m actually ok with it.
Oh, also, I got to see a baby pygmy goat climbing a tree. That was pretty cool to.
My dad has the advantage of having numerous t-shirts in the ‘been there, done that’ category. I would do well to pay more attention to the advice he has given me over the years. Here are some of his nuggets of wisdom that have stuck with me – even if I haven’t always followed them when I should. My navigation of office politics or life in general would have been much smoother if I had.
To be seen as just as good as the boys, you have to be better than the boys.
I strive to do this. Probably the only place I consistently succeed is playing computer games. Unfortunately, this is coupled with being a rather graceless winner.
For once in your life, keep your head down and your mouth shut!
Father brought me up to be outspoken, and to question everything, and this does run counter to that. However, not every situation is helped by speaking my mind. Sometimes, I do need to just shut up. I’ll work on that.
You’re responsible for your own happiness.
I sometimes forget this. In a bad situation? It’s up to me to get out of it. There is no knight in shining armour waiting to save me, so I’d better get up and slay that dragon myself.
Don’t be a victim.
Sometimes, it’s too easy to wallow in self pity. In times when I’ve been depressed, I wish I’d kept this at the front of my mind.
You don’t give offense. You *take* offense.
Nothing is more annoying than someone who *looks* to take offense. Although the main thing that has happened as a result of taking this on board is that I find people more annoying.
Stop cutting off your nose to spite your face!
I’m a stubborn person. I don’t think this will change. Oops.
I think that will do for now. There are plenty more, but it would likely turn into a book. I guess the point of this post is that all the above pieces of advice, if I’d chosen to follow them throughout life more consistently, would have improved so many rubbish situations I’ve managed to land myself in. Make no mistake – the common denominator in all of my problems past and present is me.
I should probably listen to my Dad more. Even if he is leaving all the money to the cat.